hillary vs. barack, my super tuesday non-food musings

i was never going to vote for john edwards. i don't really know anything about him but i just would rather have a woman or a black person as my candidate. i am a wholehearted, unabashed, generic affirmative action voter. also, did we really need another candidate named john?

pretty much everyone i know is either in one camp or the other at this point (most of them in barack land). i just can't make up my mind. honestly, and i know people are going to get pissed at me for this, i just don't really care. i think they're both good and i think either one will be a president i can get behind.

i wish somebody could tell me something that would help me distinguish them. their stance on most issues is practically identical. the hillary people say that barack is full of ideas but has no experience or concrete plans. i'm ok with that. i rarely (ever?) have concrete plans for anything, and i feel like i am doing a pretty good job at life (well except for that whole credit card debt thing). but i care about our national deficit about as much as i care about my own debt, which is to say basically not at all.

the barack people say that hillary is... well... actually i don't really know what they say hillary is. i have not really been able to get a clear answer out of any of them as to what exactly is wrong with hillary. maybe they are just so starry eyed in love with barack that they don't even think to come up with bad things about hillary. but the thing is, a lot of them seem to REALLY HATE hillary. and when someone really hates someone else but can't verbalize why, it kind of freaks me out. everyone i hate, i hate for a good (or at least explainable) reason.

i can't help but feel like deep down, some people just hate hillary because she's a woman. maybe i am reading into it too much. but i feel like a lot of the barack people like him because he's "articulate" and hate hillary because she's "a bitch." to their credit, i haven't yet heard the hillary people resort to worn out stereotypes.

i definitely think our country needs a change but i truthfully don't think that any president can really give us the change we are looking for. i seriously doubt that either candidate can turn a bunch of lardass, apathetic, myopic americans into people who are really going to try to help other people out when it comes down to paying more taxes, or carrying fewer guns, or letting gay people make out in parks, or getting rid of SUVs, or giving convicted sex offenders another chance in society, or whatever. it's just not how we are.

i feel like the real changes that need to happen are actually impossible here. they are changes that have to happen internally in people and i just honestly do not think a president is going to be able to create that kind of a change in the generic american way of looking at life, which is "as much as possible for me, and then maybe a little bit for other people, assuming they're not ugly or mexican, if i feel like it." that is how i see america, and that is how i have always seen it as long as i can remember. i don't really think it's ever going to change.

here is my confession. i am not going to vote in the primary. i am still registered in kentucky and i just don't feel like racing down there from work before 6 pm when the polls close to vote when i don't even know who i want to vote for. and i am too late to register in ohio as of today.

i'll get my shit together by november, and at that point i promise to vote for whichever black person or woman is on the ballot.