mexico recap

ok, so vacation did not go as planned. but it did go as expected... or at least as i should have expected. i left cincinnati on monday (8/4) and ended up getting in 4 hours late to chicago because of weather. the weather in chicago was so bad that tons of flights were canceled and i could not get on another flight to mexico until... (drumroll)... thursday.

they offered to send me back to cincinnati but i figured why not live it up since i have a bunch of friends in chicago who i could stay with. well that seemed like a good plan until i could not get my suitcase. no one knew where it was or whether i would ever see it again. i didn't even have a damn pair of underwear on me. i spent all day tuesday on the phone haggling with united officials who told me i could get my suitcase at the airport, and then haggling in person with the people at the airport who told me i could not have it because of "9/11 security restrictions."

argentinian princess + chilean wine + chicago sunset = almost mexico

after a full day of arguing, i gave up. i threw down $100 of vacation money on clothes and toiletries at target. then i tried to use my cell phone, which was dead after all the suitcase haggling, and couldn't charge it because my charger was in my suitcase. verizon no longer sells my charger, so i had to get a new phone.

after all that i needed some cheap wine to drown my sorrows. walk to 7-11, pick up a bottle of $5 barefoot pinot grigio, and on the walk back to sarah's apartment we get stuck in a TORNADO. i am not making this up.

the next night i went out with friends and then spent most of the rest of the time doing laundry and watching cable at sarah's place. 3 days later and i am back en route to mexico. my suitcase is miraculously reunited with me at benito juarez international airport. it didn't show up on the conveyor belt so i began running around like a chicken with my head cut off. "donde esta mi maleta?!?!?!" i screamed to every mexican in an airport uniform. finally a man walked up to me. "usted es elizabeth?" he asked. "si," i replied. this angel sent from heaven then handed me my bag. i clutched onto him and sobbed the tears of pure unadulterated joy. "te amo! te amo!" i howled. he ran screaming, probably scarred for life at the thought of americans.

a long cab ride later and i finally arrive at myra's hotel and it is pouring out. i immediately turn on the tv, nap, and shower. my first day in mexico spent much like my last days in the US between all the cable and laying around.

actual menu from one of the few restaurants i ate at in mexico city... check out the translation of burritos

on friday i head out for some sightseeing with some friends of myra's. i spend a good 3-4 hours that day in cabs because mexico city is so damn trafficky. we go to bed early and then get on a 6 hour bus ride to oaxaca on saturday when i realize i am coming down with a cold. not to be thwarted by something silly like my health, i demand to myra that we go out dancing that night. after a good 2 hours of wandering around, we end up back at our hotel at midnight because all the bars are either lame or have lines around the block.

myra attempts to restrain herself from making sweet sweet love to a tlayuda, which is an awesome oaxacan street food consisting of a crispy wheat tortilla piled with yummy deliciousness including cheese, dried pork, avocado, beans, onions, and hot sauce

the next two days i'm pretty exhausted with a cold/sinus infection. it's cold and rainy and we see some sights. we went to some museums, shopped, ate, drank chocolate, and hit up monte alban (zapotec ruins near oaxaca). on tuesday morning myra leaves to go back to the US.

i decide i'm going to head to the beach after finding a van that can get me there in 6 hours (all the buses took 8-9 hours). the van ride was one of the strangest of my life... 6 straight hours of winding roads through steep mountains while random mexican men pressed up against me in a van try to hit on me. all the while i'm in a delirious, lightheaded stupor from my cold. it's raining. we stop at a restaurant in the mountains and i wonder if i am going to die here.

this was about 3 minutes before myra ripped my heart out and threw it into a vat of flames

i arrive in pochutla, the town which is the jumping off point for a bunch of oaxacan coast beaches, on "el dia de la taxista." yes friends, this is a national holiday for taxi drivers. that means they do not pick you up. that means you are stuck in pochutla because there are no buses or anything. i stand around in jeans and a sweater in the sweltering heat for a good hour until i find a random car to pick me up and take me to puerto angel.

i arrive in my hotel in puerto angel to mean owners, a broken fan, a nasty bug and lizard infested shared bathroom, a hard bed, and lumpy pillows. also, it starts raining. i spend the evening sitting on the patio of my hotel composing emails in my head to friends about how horrible my vacation is while drinking cans of tecate i bought at the corner store for 70 cents each.

the next morning i set off to find a new hotel. success! i found a really cute (also cheap) place with hammocks, flowers, interesting foreign guests, comfy beds, and really nice owners. i hang out until the wee hours drinking tequila and eating dried grasshoppers with a bunch of crazy germans and french people.

the next day i am off to some tiny secluded beautiful local beaches with the french people. all goes well until about 4 pm when i start shitting like my life depends on it. literally my ass is like a leaky faucet. maybe those grasshoppers were not such a good idea after all...? i spend the rest of the night laying around moaning and bolting back and forth between my bed and the toilet. fortunately at this hotel i had my own bathroom. i start popping 2 year old antibiotics left over from a trip to thailand in 2006 in an attempt to stop up the rushing flood of liquid which is pouring out my ass.

this is what i was doing when i should have been laying on the beach

on friday i was too scared to leave my hotel because of the shits. i laid around in a hammock for most of the day. it rained anyway. after a while both the sky and my ass cleared up and i headed to the beach for a bit, then it was an early bed night since i had to get up early for my bus the next day. i had to get a bus on the way back because i needed a mode of transportation with a toilet.

gratuitous deserted beach shot

the bus ride ended up taking 10.5 hours. it was hell. i watched both legends of the fall and marie antoinette in dubbed spanish. the little girl next to me ate all my chips. i only used the bathroom once.

i made it back into oaxaca at about 7 pm and only had time to pick up some souvenirs really quick and then eat a yummy dinner while every single guy who walked by the restaurant tried to hit on me (i was sitting in the window). i tried to go to bed early but only got about 2 hours of sleep because i was freaking out about sleeping through my alarm (set for 4 am).

gratuitous mexican sunset shot

i get to the airport at 5:15 and it's not open yet. i wait outside and finally get on my flight. i'm sitting next to the world's most annoying american ("is that there a mixed baby? ahhh loooooove mixed babies!!!") who then begins throwing up during the flight. nasty. my second flight (mexico city to washington) goes pretty smoothly. then on my third flight we are sitting on the runway forever. the flight attendant announces that the truck driving our luggage "accidentally went to a different terminal" and "we are not sure which one" and "we are hoping we can find it." they do, in fact, find it, and i am once again back in cincinnati at 8 pm on sunday night.

throughout my whole vacation i kept thinking, "i can't wait to be home. this is exhausting." i walk in my front door and instantly become depressed. "i can't believe my vacation is over! i want to be back in mexico! why do i live in cincinnati??? what is the point of life???" yes, the grass really is always greener.

anyway so that is my vacation. if you can even call it that. i told my secretary the story yesterday and she laughed at me and said, "that is really the worst vacation i have ever heard of." i guess it is, but at least i have a good story...