Sunday, August 16, 2009

somebody is yanking my chain

ok readers, which one of you no talent ass clowns sent me this email? i know it is fake. i am redacting the name just on the off chance that it is not fake but i know it is. if you admit it to me, i will take you out to dinner on me just for being so ridiculous.*

*this is a total lie. i am not taking your ass anywhere. i am poor.
From: x
Date: Sun, Aug 16, 2009 at 11:33 AM
Subject: irregularity?

Hi Liz,

I am curious from all the various foods you eat, do you ever experience constipation or upset stomach? Do you have any tips to dealing with either?

When I eat pizza and can not pass my bowels for over three days after, and wish this did not happen to me, one time I had to be hospitalized for an impacted colon. I often see late night medical commercials for total colon cleansing products, and am curious if they work?

Thanks,
x

p.s. you mentioned being on facebook, can I add you as a friend?
update: i just reread this post and realized it sounded bitchy. x, i'm not mad at you. i thought this was hilarious. come on, tell me who you are!

7 comments:

Jenny K said...

I only WISH I could have come up with something that awesome.

But now the inquiring public wants to know... ;)

Evan said...

So "No talent ass clown" is a term of endearment?

Good to know. I will use it appropriately in my next meeting.

liz said...

evan: does this mean you are admitting to being the mystery emailer?

Anonymous said...

Liz:

I really hoped that you would provide discretion about the issues I have shared with you. Posting my e-mail to your blog has left me feeling very anxious about the repercussions of my cry for help. I know my wife and children (and of course dogs) would never understand, especially since I have never shared my gastro-intestinal problems with them. I only hope that in the future you will respond to your followers with compassion. Jesus is a good model and I suggest that you speak to him directly as I do during my most troubled time on potty.

Sincerely,

Tom Butterworth

liz said...

all right "tom butterworth," what are you after? also, is this tj jackson? he is always making comments about my poo references.

Jeff said...

Just wanted to tell you how much fun I've had for the last ten minutes reading and re-reading that letter in a variety of accents.

Anonymous said...

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