Tony Soprano Lookalike Wants Elizabeth Taylor for Sextravaganza - 25 (CEENCY, NEW JERSEY)
Date: 2010-02-08, 2:18PM EST
I was just watching Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf and smearing prosciutto all over my face because it's too salty to actually eat and I saw Elizabeth Taylor jiggling around with breasts roughly the size of entire hams. And though I look like Tony Soprano, my fat gut and manic depression hasn't left me impotent...yet. Then when she started harassing her man...well I can't say it wasn't every bit as big a tingle inducer as her jumbly-wumblies.
And in reference to the crude euphemisms I use to describe the breasts, yes I'm in fourth grade (mentally) and I'm very proud of it. I'm much more committed to juvenile humor about breasts than actually touching them. After all, eventually a woman will make you stop touching them. Sometimes (usually) it only takes two seconds (when they realize the person who snuck up behind them isn't their husband returning from the bathroom). In other instances it can be up to several minutes (when she's sleeping).
But dammit I'm a quarter of a century old now and maybe it's time to find something more. Someone to hold me close. Someone to connect to in new, exciting, meaningful ways. Someone to let me do the lobster claw on their tittays for (potentially) eternity. Even out in public.
I hope that you will write me, as I am getting tired of wrapping prosciutto around my measley-peasley and getting "whacked". And bonus points if you respond as a Sopranos supporting cast.
And in reference to the crude euphemisms I use to describe the breasts, yes I'm in fourth grade (mentally) and I'm very proud of it. I'm much more committed to juvenile humor about breasts than actually touching them. After all, eventually a woman will make you stop touching them. Sometimes (usually) it only takes two seconds (when they realize the person who snuck up behind them isn't their husband returning from the bathroom). In other instances it can be up to several minutes (when she's sleeping).
But dammit I'm a quarter of a century old now and maybe it's time to find something more. Someone to hold me close. Someone to connect to in new, exciting, meaningful ways. Someone to let me do the lobster claw on their tittays for (potentially) eternity. Even out in public.
I hope that you will write me, as I am getting tired of wrapping prosciutto around my measley-peasley and getting "whacked". And bonus points if you respond as a Sopranos supporting cast.
1 comment:
First of all, thanks for posting this on my Facebook, we all LOLed about it for a while too.
Second of all, WTF?!?!
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