northside bar tour

so last night after dinner at honey (previously covered here on GIMB)...:

me and dahrika at honey... mmmm

...a couple friends and i decided to embark on a tour of the bars of northside. we had only been to a couple of the bars over there and felt that we needed to educate ourselves on our options. i did my homework and made a map:

clearly i'm missing my calling as a cartographer

our first stop was the ever-popular northside tavern. wait, ever-popular? not last night. the place was pretty quiet. i would say there were maybe 20-30 people there. we had a beer, got bored, and left right as the band was starting. maybe the band would have been good. i don't know. anyway, northside tavern was the quietest i've ever seen it. usually this place is teeming with hipsters and "eccentrics." northside tavern is a good place to go because of their big outdoor patio and the high probability of meeting interesting nut cases. last night it was cold and empty so i guess there was really no reason to go there.

our next stop was supposed to be the hamilton bar, but right as we were about to walk in, this weird guy started jumping around and pointing at celia. as we stared at him, we realized the place was empty except for crazy guy and about 8 people who were at least 65 years old. the place looked tiny and very old school, which might have been fun. however, we did not feel like picking up a stalker. we figured we got the idea and moved on.

stop #3 was the blue rock tavern. please note that this bar's only website is a myspace page. all i have to say is what the fuck. as celia said, "i feel like this is the kind of place you could only find in cincinnati." i will try to do it justice for you, my dedicated readers. the blue rock tavern has several different rooms and an outdoor fenced area with a fire pit. the place kind of feels like your parents' basement, if your parents' basement was really cool and you grew up in the 70s. there was a band playing: teenage death metal rockers with painted faces and no shirts. we ordered miller lites and laughed our asses off.

celia and me partying like it's 1995

the crowd was mostly high schoolers, with a few old men thrown in for good measure (pedophiles or the band members' dads? you make the call). other than the old men, we were by far the oldest people there. in fact, when we walked in, the bouncer said, "are you over 21?" we said "yes." he then seemed confused and did not know what to do. i suggested that he check our IDs. he was like "oh, yeah, ok." the band finished up at around 11 pm... maybe it was curfew time. we headed out.

as we were walking down hamilton ave, we passed by a place called the serpent. it was not on my homemade map. we tried to look in but the windows were totally covered. we tried to peek in the door, but there was a wall you could not see past. we were curious, so we decided what the hell, let's check it out. well, about 2 steps in, we realized this was a gay bar. and not just your average gay bar, which would have been fun. the place was very dark, with only red lights. the crowd consisted entirely of middle aged men. many of them were wearing leather. we decided to move along.

our next stop was the comet. again, the place was dead. i would say there were again maybe 20 some people at the bar. there was a band just starting so we decided to get a beer and stick around. the band, NJs and the jeff, was a group of college kids from akron. they were kind of rock/bluegrass i guess. we really liked them and since the 3 of us made up half of their audience, we stayed for a while. celia even bought a CD ($3). the perks of the comet are its awesome beer selection, photo booth, and yummy burritos. the crowd is a combination of locals, nerds, and hipsters.

our final northside destination was the gypsy hut, which i have been meaning to check out for months after good recommendations from a variety of people, including coworkers, grocery store clerks, and the girl who cuts my hair. first of all, the place is huge. i guess because it's called a "hut" i just assumed it would be small, but no. it's like this big warehouse that some people just decided to turn into a bar. the decor is practically nonexistent, it's all cement and rusted out metal. there are a bunch of different rooms, some with a pool table or a dart board or a table thrown in at random. there is a big room with a stage area for a band, and there is a huge outdoor area (two levels).

also, this is the first bar we hit that was actually crowded. maybe everybody just skipped all the other places and headed there. there were a lot of people there and the band was pretty good. if blue rock tavern was a high school house party, the gypsy hut was a college house party. the crowd was mostly early 20s, with probably some people in their mid to late 20s as well. there were lots of hippies and harley guys and some punk rock type "kids." (i feel like people who describe themselves as punk rock also always describe themselves as kids.) plenty of nerds too.

we liked the gypsy hut and would definitely go back. it's the kind of place that every bar in williamsburg wishes it could be. which is another hilarious yet depressing example of the grass is always greener concept of coolness. "trendy" bars in cincinnati like twist brag that they "feel like new york," whereas the most popular bars in NY are modeled after midwest holes in the wall.

anyway, a good time was had by all on our little bar hop. i definitely recommend northside for all your alcohol consumption needs. hopefully once the weather warms up the hipsters, 15 year olds, nut cases, and locals will be out in full force.