the way more than top 10 best things you can eat in cincinnati

in response to lori's post on how there is nothing good to eat in cincinnati, and her constant harassment to start up my blog again, here i am (for now). my position is that the upscale food scene in cincinnati mostly sucks, other than orchids, but that there is plenty of really good cheap food around here. (side note: lori's blog is the only blog still worth reading in cincinnati, in case you were wondering).

i have always been annoyed with snobby/snobby-ish, high/high-ish priced food, even if it is actually good, because i am kind of poor and therefore always way happier when i feel like i am getting a good bang for my buck and because the people that tend to hang out at higher priced restaurants generally freak me out (of course i probably freak them out too). if i can't show up in flip flops and pay less than $15 for a meal, i'm just not going to enjoy myself as much (notable exceptions: orchids. bouley. the publican).

here is my list of the best things that you can eat in cincinnati. nothing expensive and no chains. i hate rankings so these are in no particular order.

• spit roasted chicken at floyd's. if you have to call ahead for something because they might run out at 5:30 pm on a tuesday, it's fucking good.
• goat tacos at la mexicana. what's that? you don't like goat? yes you do, you just don't know it yet.
• ban chan at asiana in west chester (no relation to the asiana in oakley). the best ban chan anywhere (sorry riverside). while you are there, get some hot and sour soup too. and by "some" i mean "a gallon."
• anything you can get your hands on at shadeau breads. whatever. it doesn't matter. grab whatever you can see, at 7 am, with coffee, and run.
• cumin lamb at sichuan bistro. you can't go wrong with anything on the chinese section of the menu here but the cumin lamb tops it all. the second best dish here is the dry sauteed green beans so if you are vegetarian (and even if you're not), get that instead. actually just get both. and get a bunch of other stuff too. just point to whatever other people are eating that looks good.
• coconut gelato at dojo. this is the only gelato flavor that i am aware of with its own fan club. michael never makes it because he claims it doesn't sell. anyone who is passing this up is going to have one more item on their list of regrets when they die.
• tagliatelle alla bolognese at nicola's. yes i know this is not a cheap restaurant but on monday nights you can get an absurd portion of the bolognese, a huge and amazing house salad, and the bread basket of your dreams (seriously) for $13 at the bar. and you don't even really have to sit at the bar because it is always full whenever i go and they just let me sit at a table. this is very possibly the best bang for your buck ever in the history of mankind.
• tzatziki from areti's gyros. it redefines tzatziki. also, it's TWO. DOLLARS.
• whatever the hell toppings you want on the mind altering sourdough crust at zz's pizza. la rosa's vs. donato's? i don't even understand the words you're saying.
• goat curry at shaan. it's not on the menu so call ahead to find out if it is on the buffet that day. you will love it because you already ate the goat tacos at la mexicana and you are now obsessed with goat.
• biscuits and gravy made by sierra. there's no more forkheartknife so good luck getting your hands on this one. trust me, i have been trying. the runner up which is actually still publicly available (almost every sunday... if you get there early enough...) is take the cake's.
• singapore rice noodles at suzie wong's. there is no legitimate explanation for how good this dish is other than that there must be crack in it.
• grilled tilapia at teranga. you don't eat seafood in cincinnati? you're scared of the west side? you don't like your dinner staring at you? get over it and go eat this.
• the getinmahbelly at tom + chee. actually there is no getinmahbelly on the menu but there really should be (are you guys reading this, tom + chee?) because i order this combination every time. sourdough bread, fresh mozzarella, tomatoes, and pesto. bliss.
• swiss raspberry or swiss strawberry sundae at aglamesis. the ice cream itself is fine but what you are really going for is the amazing rich fluffy delicious fresh whipped cream with the fruit folded right into it. holy hell.
• roast pork banh mi at pho lang thang. i am obsessed with everything on the menu but what keeps me up at night (what, no bike delivery at 3 am?) is this sandwich.
• roasted cauliflower salad at a tavola. it's not often that i find myself crapping my pants over a vegetable but there you have it. runner up: the white anchovy pizza. sometimes i fantasize about taking the entire pizza, folding it in half, and cramming the entire thing into my mouth and then just blissfully chewing for like 3 hours. as if all this were not enough, they serve the absolute best mixed drinks in cincinnati. try the ginger beer me with bourbon. you can thank me in cash via paypal.
• galbi jhim at riverside korean. a dish which got its very own whole post on this blog. enough said.

well that is all i have to say and if i get a bunch of annoying "i'm so happy you're back" and "you're so amazing" and "i love this blog" type comments i'm going to puke. but if i get any "you're stupid" and "i hate you" type comments that's going to piss me off too. you're probably better off just not commenting. happy thanksgiving bitches.