arnold's

arnold's is really close to where i work (take note, stalkers!) so you would think that i would eat there all the time. but i don't. why? well for a long time, whenever i went there, it was not good. yes, it was cheap (they had a $3.95 or $4.95 or something lunch menu) but it would be like a fish square and some beans and you would eat it and it tasted bland and overcooked and you were hungry an hour later.

dinner was no better, it was a few offerings of overpriced (like $15!) pasta, which consisted of some noodles, tomatoes, and olives, which i could make better in my own kitchen. blah.

i like arnold's though, it is the oldest running bar in cincinnati and it has a nice outdoor courtyard with christmas lights and a little tree in the middle (which they cover in the winter so you can still sit "outside"). they have live music on weekends. the staff is nice and they have good beers on tap. so i was always sad that the food was so terrible.

well readers let me tell you, arnold's crappy food streak is over. i am not sure exactly what happened, i am thinking they got a new chef or something, but they have a new menu and it is great. i went for lunch a couple weeks ago with maggie, beth, and rickell. beth really wanted to go because it was st. paddy's day and she wanted the irish stew. maggie and rickell were like "eww, arnold's? i don't want to waste my money there." i had been hearing rumors about a new menu so i was up for it. somehow beth and i convinced them.

i am so happy we went. the food was great. i had the arnold's hot brown, which was roasted turkey, bacon, french fries, and grilled tomatoes all on a huge delicious roll and covered in a yummy cheesy sauce. yes, this was a heart attack on a plate but it was damn good and huge and filling. rickell ordered a burger with cheese and bacon and bbq sauce and it was cooked perfectly and delicious. the fries were yummy. the bacon was very high quality... thick and smoky and fresh.

they were out of the irish stew by the time we got there so beth ordered some crazy sandwich that i can't remember the name of, but it was like a big panini thing with chicken and blue cheese and grilled red onions. she reads this blog so she will correct me if i am wrong. she said it was delicious. i was so full from my sandwich that i did not even want to taste hers although it looked good.

only maggie was disappointed... she ordered the grilled cheese with tomato basil soup. i think the food was good (it looked good, a big fat roll with lots of cheese and tomatoes and herbs inside) but the problem is that we think her food got done a lot sooner than ours and sat waiting on the counter a while. cold grilled cheese = bleah. but i think the flavors and portion size were good.

prices were a little more than i like to spend for lunch, i think the sandwiches were all about $9. however, we had a really fun time sitting out in the courtyard and there was a crowd so it was festive. service was friendly as usual.

the menu is the same at lunch and dinner, so next time i would probably go for dinner since i think i would mind the prices less (i am really cheap, i normally spend less than $9 including tax and tip on my lunches when i go out). and then you would probably get some live music or something. but i totally recommend you check it out either way. if you have not been in a while, you are in for a happy surprise.

st. james white oak fish fry

the short version: god and cod: too much god, not enough cod.


the long version:

a couple weeks ago, lauren and some other rollergirls decided to celebrate their birthdays with a cheap and tasty meal at the st. james white oak fish fry. lauren found out about this particular fish fry from the westside foodie wannabes. fish fries, for the uninitiated, are a common cincinnati practice on fridays during lent. catholic churches serve up cheap fish dinners as fundraisers and as a way of encouraging people to avoid meat (why fish is not a meat is still a mystery to me) on fridays during lent, which is a big catholic thing for reasons i do not understand.

anyway, the minute i heard about this plan, i had to go because:

• i have lived here for almost three years and i have never been to a fish fry
• i love anything deep fried
• i am obsessed with the west side
• i am a total westside foodie groupie and will eat anything they eat
  

the event both fascinated and scared me, and i had to experience it for myself.

before i get to the cod, i have to explain a little about the god. it's the only way you're going to understand my experience. i am not religious. i was not raised with any religion, although technically i was baptized catholic. but it doesn't mean anything to me and i have never attended church.

my experiences with organized religion have been limited and scary. the first time i remember being a church is when i was like 8 or 9. it was christmas and i was with some family members. people kept singing weird songs, standing up, sitting down, kneeling, shaking hands, and all kinds of weird shit. everybody got to go up for a snack but me. i didn't like it.

then, in 5th grade, we had to do projects on how christmas was celebrated around the world (yes, i grew up in white christian suburbia in the 80s). this kid ryan was doing his presentation on england. he was talking about something called an "advent wreath." i had no idea what this was so i yelled out, "what's an advent wreath?" the room got silent. everyone stared at me. "you know, like at your church," said ryan. "i don't go to church," i said. more staring. finally the teacher told ryan to keep doing his presentation.

in middle school, i went to live with my dad in illinois for a while. during that time i made friends with this girl sarah whose dad was... well i don't know what he was. i am pretty sure they were catholic, and he did all the stuff that a priest does, but priests aren't allowed to get married and have kids. so who knows. anyway, they were like super religious family. or maybe they weren't but it seemed that way to me.

one day sarah invited me to come over and spend the night at her house. we had to pray before we ate dinner. i sat there and stared at my food like a deer stuck in headlights (this was, and generally still is, my normal approach to dealing with prayer before meals). finally that was over. whew, i'm in the clear, i thought. ha! silly liz. we wake up in the morning and sarah announces that "it's time to get ready for church." a feeling of dread came over me.

this picture doesn't really fit in with the story but i didn't know where else to put it

all kinds of problems came up. i didn't have the right clothes so i had to borrow some of sarah's (and we were not the same size). we get to church and once again it's the whole thing where i have no idea what to do. i decided to be upfront. "sarah," i said, "i don't go to church and i have no idea what to do here." she smiled. "it's ok. just do exactly what i do," she said confidently.

so i followed her lead and stood up and sat down and kneeled and stood up and shook hands (i hate that part so much, i have no idea why), etc. finally it was time to line up for the snacks. sarah got in line and i lined up behind her. we got near the front of the line and i saw that people were opening their mouths like baby birds and sarah's dad was sticking what looked like nilla wafers in their mouths. it seemed weird. couldn't they put the snacks in their own mouths? also, what if you wanted more than one?

finally it was sarah's turn. in goes the nilla wafer. then me. i open up and get... blah. it sure as hell did not taste like nilla wafer. then some kid poured some grape juice in our mouths and we went back to our seats. i was still chewing the thing. it was so damn dry i could not swallow it, even after the juice. i wondered why they went through all that lining up for such a crappy snack.

i broke away from my daydreaming and noticed sarah staring at me in horror. "what?" i asked, thinking i had grape juice on my shirt or something. "oh my god. you haven't been confirmed, have you?" she asked. "what's that?" i said. "oh my god. oh my god. oh my god." "what, sarah???" i had no idea what was going on. "liz. you ATE THE BODY OF CHRIST and you HAVEN'T BEEN CONFIRMED!!!" sarah was practically hyperventilating. "spit it out! spit it out!" she demanded. i had no idea what the fuck she was talking about and i spit out the remaining dried bits. "here," i said, handing the spit out body of christ remnants to her. she took them and didn't know what to do so she ended up throwing them on the floor. then she started freaking out because she just threw the body of christ on the floor. she remained totally preoccupied until it was time to leave.

we walked out of church and sarah announced that it was time for me to go home. i knew i had somehow really fucked up in there but i had no idea how. i also had no clue what she was talking about with the body of christ thing. i went home and i was pretty much scarred for life. sarah never talked to me again. the whole thing completely weirded me out and confirmed my suspicions that church was a humiliating, incomprehensible freak show to be avoided at all costs. after that, i pretty much never set foot in a church again other than for weddings, which i generally hate but tolerate because i love my friends, and for tourist related purposes.

your st. james white oak fish fry menu options

fast forward to lauren's birthday. it's time to enter a church and there are going to be actual churchgoers there. i sat in my car for a good 15 minutes trying to calm my anxiety enough to get out of my car and walk inside. fortunately i saw some other people who were clearly there for the party so i buddied up with them and walked in.

someone else's cod... i ate mine too fast to take a picture

i don't have much to say about the actual fish fry. it was pretty much what you would expect i guess, a church basement with lots of little kids and old people and folding tables. the fish itself was delicious, some of the best fried cod i have ever had in my life. the salted rye was a revelation. i generally don't like salted breads but it was amazing. fried cod topped with hot sauce and tartar inside salted rye... it was a culinary masterpiece. my only complaint is that i only got one piece of fish. i seriously could have eaten five.

the sides were kind of disappointing. the macaroni and cheese was bland and mushy, and the coleslaw tasted like what you would get at long john silver's. there were $2 beers, so that was nice.

lauren and me trying to fit in with the church regulars

i tried to enjoy myself but i just could not get over the fact that i was voluntarily in a church, sitting really close to actual living, breathing churchgoers, who i feared at any moment would all start pointing their fingers at me and demanding that i spit out something that i was not supposed to eat (the elbow of adam? the armpit of mary?). i just felt so much like an outsider, and like if anyone knew that they were going to kick me out. i know this is irrational and that anyone is welcome at fish fries. i know it's a fundraiser and i know (or at least i hear) that catholics aren't scary, at least compared to other, more militant varieties of christians. but i just could not get over my anxiety and ended up bolting out of there as soon as i could do so without being rude.

i'm torn now about whether or not to recommend the meal. that fish was truly absolutely delicious. the salted rye was excellent. and fish, rye, and two sides were only $6. it was ridiculously cheap and damn good. i really want to eat more of it. but i really don't want to go back in a church. i would say if you have an even slightly less neurotic relationship with organized religion than i do, then you should head out to st. james for some fried cod and salted rye. but even if you are as crazy as i am, it just might be worth it anyway.

(note: all photos courtesy of lauren)

milanese risotto and stewed okra and tomatoes

i found a buy one get one free food & wine magazine deal around christmastime, so i got it for liberal foodie and me. LF got her first issue and demanded that we plan a monthly cooking extravaganza. we have only done this once so far, with the february issue. we decided we were going to each pick two recipes, cook them together, and then eat the results. we just picked what we wanted to make, regardless of whether it went together or not.

i am sure LF will write about her recipes (she has been demanding photos from me so a post is definitely on its way on her blog) so i will write about mine. i chose risotto because it is something i love to eat and had always been intimidated by. and i chose okra because i have had some really delicious okra and have always been scared to make it because of the potential sliminess factor. it can come out so good or so gross. how the hell to cook it?

the fact that i was going to have a master chef (aka LF) at my beck and call to give me cooking tips gave me the confidence to try these recipes. i'm going to post the original versions of the recipes here, with my modifications in parentheses. both of these recipes came out absolutely delicious and i would totally recommend them.

milanese risotto (original recipe here)


Ingredients

1. 5 1/2 cups chicken stock, preferably homemade (i used 7 1/2 cups total, and i bought a really delicious boxed stock from dean's mediterranean imports)
   
2. 2 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil
3. 1 small onion, finely chopped (i used a yellow onion)
   
4. Salt and freshly ground pepper
5. 1 1/2 cups arborio rice (10 ounces)
6. Pinch of saffron threads
7. 1/2 cup dry white wine (i chose a pinot grigio)
   
8. 1/2 cup freshly grated Parmigiano-Reggiano cheese (i found the best parmesan ever at krause's)
   
9. 1 tablespoon unsalted butter (i used salted)
   
10. 2 tablespoons chopped flat-leaf parsley
    

Directions

In a medium saucepan, bring the chicken stock to a simmer; keep warm. In a large saucepan, heat the olive oil. Add the onion, season with salt and pepper and cook over moderate heat, stirring, until softened, about 5 minutes. (under LF's direction, i cooked the onion probably 6-7 minutes until it was really soft)

Add the rice and cook for 1 minute, stirring to thoroughly coat. Crumble the saffron into the wine and add it to the rice. Cook, stirring, until the wine is absorbed. Add 1 cup of the warm stock and cook over moderate heat, stirring constantly, until nearly absorbed. Continue adding the stock 1/2 cup at a time, stirring constantly, until it is nearly absorbed between additions. (LF and kate both advised me to stir constantly, so i literally stirred the entire time the rice cooked, about a half hour total. i also needed to use much more stock than the recipe said. i think the amount of stock you need probably depends on the arborio rice you use, so heat up more stock than you think you'll need just in case)

The risotto is done when the rice is al dente and suspended in a thick, creamy sauce, about 20 minutes total. Season the risotto with salt and pepper. Stir in the cheese, butter and parsley and serve immediately.

i don't know what the secret was (the high quality ingredients? the constant stirring? the magic of LF in the kitchen?) but this risotto was amazing. avani said it was some of the best risotto she has ever had! it really was damn good. you have to try it. now that i have done it, i can say that it really is much easier and less intimidating than i thought.

stewed okra and tomatoes (original recipe here)


Ingredients

1. 2 tablespoons vegetable oil
2. 2 garlic cloves, minced
3. 1 small red onion, thinly sliced (i chopped instead of slicing)
   
4. 1 teaspoon pure chile powder, such as ancho (i got all my spices at dean's mediterranean imports and they were super fresh and potent)
   
5. Pinch of cayenne pepper
6. 1 teaspoon cumin seeds
7. 1 teaspoon turmeric
8. 1 pound okra, stemmed and sliced 1/2 inch thick (i used frozen baby okra, again from dean's, and did not slice them)
   
9. 2 medium tomatoes, coarsely chopped
10. 1/2 cup water
11. Salt

Directions

In a medium skillet, heat the vegetable oil. Add the minced garlic and sliced red onion and cook over moderate heat, stirring occasionally, until fragrant, about 3 minutes. Add the chile powder, cayenne pepper, cumin seeds and turmeric and cook, stirring constantly, until fragrant, about 2 minutes.

Add the okra and cook for 2 minutes, tossing. Add the tomatoes and cook over high heat until they release their juices, about 1 minute. Add the water, cover and cook, stirring occasionally, until the okra is just tender, about 5 minutes. Season with salt and serve. (i stewed for probably 15-20 minutes. it was still tender but gave the flavors a longer time to develop.)

this dish was delicious the day of. the next day, it was nasty. after sitting in the fridge overnight and then being reheated in the microwave for lunch the next day, it became totally slimy and disgusting. i could not eat it.

i don't think i would make this with okra again because the leftovers taste like hell. however, i loved the flavors and simplicity of this dish and would definitely do it again with a different vegetable. i think green beans would be good, or spinach, or zucchini. you could also try it with meat or tofu. it is so easy and really you could do it all, start to finish, in probably 20 minutes. i highly recommend this dish, but unless you are going to eat it all in one sitting, don't use okra.

sake bomb

"westender" of clark street blog was kind (crazy?) enough to organize a blogger happy hour at sake bomb in east hyde park. the company was good and mostly food bloggers: k and b of westside foodie wannabes, laura and david of cincinnati nomerati, jeff of a dork and his pork, l and j of cincyspin, and the artist formerly (and currently) known as 5chw4r7z. rumor has it jen of tavern wench was also there but left before i arrived, and actually that is a new blog to me so i will have to check it out.

hmm... a blogger happy hour. sound nerdy? it was.

nerdy or not, it was also a fun time. i know many people think of bloggers (other than myself of course) as socially inept freaks with very little ability to interact successfully with other human beings in public. however, i have not found this to be true. i think people are mixing bloggers up with the chat room and message board crowd. my theory now that i have met a number of other bloggers is that if you have enough to say that you start up a blog about it, and if people actually want to come and read it, you are probably going to be pretty interesting in person.

anyway, enough of me trying to justify my nerdiness. on to the food. i actually did not get that much, i ordered only two rolls (a spicy tuna roll and a hot mama roll) and a miller lite. i'm on a budget and even with the 15% off that westender managed to get for our group by sleeping with, i mean befriending, the owner, prices still looked kind of high.

i thought the rolls were ok. they were very spicy. the table had warned me about that but i was thinking to myself "whatever, these internet nerds don't know spicy." well they were right. i actually thought the rolls were too spicy, but maybe that is because i also dumped a bunch of wasabi in my soy sauce. i pretty much never think anything is too spicy, so this is saying a lot.

the rice was good and the fish was of good quality, but i thought the rolls were kind of small for the price. also, i had been expecting something different from the hot mama roll. it was described as: "tuna, salmon, yellowtail, red snapper, garlic, special hot sauce" and it was priced at $7.95. i expected some large pieces of fish both inside and on top, and what they did was just blend up the fish together into a mush. there was not much of it and it was just on the inside of the roll. it was disappointing. the spicy tuna roll ($5.95) was ok but nothing special.

would you pay $20 for this?

at the end of our meal, the restaurant surprised us with a plate of desserts. again, just ok. the one thing i liked was the banana spring roll. the other things on the tray (deep fried cheesecake and brownies) were nothing special in my opinion and were way too heavy and sweet for me after sushi. the owner also came around and gave us a taste of some "dessert sake" that he is planning to add to the menu.

the atmosphere was ok, it felt kind of generic and strip mall-ish and the crowd was mostly rich hyde park (and internet nerds). the service was great, very friendly and helpful.

my bill for 2 smallish sushi rolls and a miller lite, after the 15% off, was $16.63. so normal price would have been like $20, before tip. this is just too much, unless you are serving me the best damn sushi of my life. i probably will not go back to sake bomb. had i not also had the free desserts, the free sake, the beer that westender treated me to, and the fun company of a bunch of internet nerds, i would have been pretty unsatisfied with this meal. and i doubt i am going to prance in there and get all this free shit again. unlike some people i am not willing to compromise my morals for some fish and rice. now a steak on the other hand...

(note: i forgot my camera so the photo is courtesy of 5chw4r7z)

jason's burger quest

friends, readers, burger lovers... i need your help. it appears that my friend jason is on a burger quest. he is seeking out the best burger in the city. he has made a list of the places he wants to visit... and terry's turf club is not. on. it.

this is a mistake of epic proportions. if you do not eat at terry's, your opinion on burgers in cincinnati is irrelevant. this is why i need your help. go comment on his blog and tell him to eat at terry's. it is your civic duty. as a food lover in cincinnati, you cannot sit idly by and let this burger travesty continue any longer!

update: it seems that jason sees the error in his ways and is seeking burger suggestions. readers, help him. HELP HIM.

endless coffee + sunday morning + craigslist = bliss

it's sunday morning and what better way to ease into the day than drinking coffee from my new coffee pot (thanks lauren!) and perusing the craigslist missed connections?

jesus - w4m

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Reply to: pers-4qhhq-1062197118@craigslist.org
Date: 2009-03-05, 7:25PM EST

Dear jesus,

you fucked with my head so i fucked with yours. it worked you stop trying to sleep with me.

thanks.

sounds like somebody is spending a little too much time at the creation museum.

Adorable Twink Couple - m4m - 40 (Covington)

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Reply to: pers-hu7mv-1064883620@craigslist.org
Date: 2009-03-07, 5:08PM EST

Today about 245-ish.You boys were waiting for the Tank Shuttle, between 4th and 5th on Main St..both about 19 or 20, both thin, flip-flops,1 in a pink polo,and the other in a magenta polo, with a libre peircing,collars popped, of course, the pink was wearing a pair od light madras shorts, sun glasses, you boys were glam!!! iIwanted to stop and offer you a ride, so you didn't have to wait on the tank( but bc I'm older) figured you'd turn me down..you know the creep factor...lol...I was going as far as clifton, so anywhere in between would have been good. Ever need a ride, let me know, I'm always good for that. BTW, you 2 are absolutely ADORABLE..If you read this, contact me, just for S-n-G's

ok, i feel old. what is twink? what is a libre piercing? what are s-n-g's?

you pulled us over... - 21 (N Ky)

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Reply to: pers-q3uzb-1063901688@craigslist.org
Date: 2009-03-06, 10:43PM EST

And you had nice eyes and were cute. I was with my 'bf' at the time. If you're curious get at me

tip: if you get pulled over, it's generally more effective to hit on the police officer before you get the ticket.

You sold me a membership! - m4w - 26 (Cincinnati Museum Center)

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Reply to: pers-1053204946@craigslist.org
Date: 2009-02-27, 3:35PM EST

You sold me a membership at the museum center and it was love at first sight. The way you swiped my credit card was sexy to say the least. Your ibadge said Erin, but I didn't get your last name. Please write back.

i am pretty sure the credit card swiping happening at the CAC and the art museum is a lot sexier than the credit card swiping going on at the museum center.

Pest Control GUY - m4m - 38 (NKY)

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Reply to: pers-1049262943@craigslist.org
Date: 2009-02-24, 8:20PM EST

You came to the office today to give your monthly treatment. I know this is a long shot but i think we both wanted the the same thing. I was afraid to say anything so if you see this message give me an email back and tell me where we met

pest control guy? "monthly treatment"? gross.

pigall's

readers, it's the moment you have been waiting for. the moment you have been hitting refresh every five minutes for the past week for. the moment you were born to experience. the moment your parents envisioned many years ago right before they made sweet sweet love which eventually resulted in the birth of you, with your very eyes, which are reading this blog now. that's right. i am going to write about pigall's.

when i heard that pigall's was closing at the end of february, i knew i had to get there no matter what kind of a hit my budget was going to take. restaurant gossip isn't my thing so hit up google if you are really interested in the reasons why the restaurant closed. all i knew was that it was the only four star restaurant in cincinnati, in ohio, and in a big chunk of the midwest. and it was going to close in a matter of weeks. and i had never been.

the minute i heard the news in early february, i called avani and we quickly made reservations for thursday night, february 26. we haggled with liberal foodie ("i don't really want to go that bad") and her husband ("i might have to work late") until they finally agreed to pencil us into their busy schedule of making the best chili in cincinnati, making the best pizza in cincinnati, making the best chicken stock in cincinnati, and other such time consuming affairs. we were set.

the last menu ever at pigall's

then i planned my budget. i have a pretty generous $190/month eating out budget, so i ate out as cheaply and as little as i could for most of the month. by the time february 26 came around, i still had $129 left in my eating out budget.

next i had to figure out what i wanted to eat. lucky for me, kate and graham went the week before i did so i studied their blogs to figure out what i was going to order. graham's meal sounded perfect and i decided i wanted everything he had, unless something else really jumped out at me. not so lucky for me, i had been to the nose to tail dinner at jeanro bistro just a few days before pigall's, so i was feeling burned out on multi-course meals and did not really want to do the five course. i was hoping the others would not want to either, since you have to do what the table wants.

finally the day came. we got all dressed up and zipped down to 4th street. when we walked in, the hostess took our coats and we were seated. the first thing i noticed is how calm and understated the restaurant seemed. it didn't look like what i had expected. i was thinking there would be big chandeliers, lots of paintings, flowery wallpaper. something kind of over the top. but the walls were beige, the lights were big and round and dim, and there were only a few pieces of art here and there. on one wall were lighted boxes set into the walls with little vintage ceramic figures of pigs and children. it was kind of odd, but charming.

the interior of the restaurant

we sat down and our server william came over. william was awesome and we all loved him. we chatted with him and found out he had been working at pigall's for fifteen years. LF asked him what he was going to do when the restaurant closed. "i don't know," he said. "i've been here for so long." then i realized that there probably really is nowhere else for him to work. i am sure the servers at pigall's made a pretty good living. where else are you going to make tips like that in cincinnati? i was sad for him.

william was really fun and totally made us feel at home. it was interesting because there were so many people our age in the restaurant. i had expected a much older crowd. but i think that a lot of people were probably there for the same reason we were - to experience the restaurant before it closed. they weren't regulars.

we decided on the three course meal since that meant that we got a wide variety of food options (with the five course, it's a set menu). we made our selections and ordered cocktails and wine. then we just relaxed into the meal.

soon our amuse bouche arrived. we got three little treats. the first was beet soup. beets again! twice in one week! i wondered what to do. beets literally make me gag. a few days before, at the nose to tail dinner, i had eaten the beet first and it had bitten me in the ass. i took photos to stall. pretty soon everyone else at the table was finishing the course and i hadn't even started.

"what should i eat first?" i asked. "the beet soup," they all replied. well here goes nothing, i thought, and i tipped the soup quickly into my mouth.

what a surprise. i HATE beets. they literally always, without fail, initiate my gag reflex. this beet soup did not do that. it was a miracle. it was cold, creamy, smooth, mild. it tasted slightly purple, if that even makes sense as a flavor, but none of that disgusting beet gaggy throat closing nastiness. i stared into my empty cup and marveled at it.

onto the salmon. perfectly poached and topped with egg salad. again, a blast from the past after the nose to tail dinner. but this egg salad could not have been more different. in it was a super creamy sauce which tasted like a blend of cream cheese and sour cream. the richness of the sauce combined with the fatty, melty salmon, and the smooth, rich egg was perfect. the flavors were deep and full but also sharp. it all went perfectly together.

last was the sweet and sour cabbage (? i think) filled phyllo dumpling. the phyllo was amazing. flaky and crisp, not even a bit soft. so light. the filling was... well i don't remember. the phyllo was so awesome. it crunched and fell to bits in my mouth.

my bouche was amused

throughout this i had forgotten that i was at the table with other people. i looked up and realized they were staring me down like vultures. jealously they watched me swallow the last bits of my phyllo. they had been done for hours (well, minutes). suckas!

we drank, we chatted. the plates drifted off and soon enough more drifted back on the table. it was appetizer time. our choices:

• liz: tuna tartare with pineapple and celery remoulade, bayonne ham, and local quail egg
  
• LF: escargots bourguignon style, soft polenta with medley of mushroom, confit garlic, and baby onions
  
• the husband: quail confit with pistachios and chutney, winter vegetable slaw, and salad medley
  
• avani: also escargots

before the meal we had debated whether we should stick to our usual practice of not ordering the same thing as anyone else at the table so we can share and try different things. but we were concerned about portion sizes and we did not want to feel like we had to share anything if we really liked it, since we would not have the opportunity to ever have it again. thus the double escargots order. as it turns out, we had nothing to worry about because the portions were huge.

tuna tartare

i had read about the tuna tartare on graham's blog ("my favorite dish of the meal") and i knew i had to have it. well it was the right choice. it was perfectly red, fresh, plump, and rich. the pineapple's sweetness and the creamy remoulade balanced it out perfectly. on top, there was a dried pineapple that was the most amazing thing. it was sweet, spicy, mesquitey. this dish was awesome.

quail

i tried the escargots, which prior to the nose to tail dinner would probably have kind of freaked me out. but after eating lamb brains and heart and thymus, snail seemed straight up ordinary. it was ok but it seemed a little rubbery to me, and not that flavorful. the sauce was really good though, and the polenta was (mom, stop reading) the best polenta i have ever had. cheesy and smooth and light and rich.

escargots

i wish i could tell you about the quail because i am pretty sure i tasted it but i was so focused on my tuna that i can't remember what it was like.

we floated through this course and through our bottle of wonderful wine. the sommelier was great. we had told him that we wanted a bottle of red that would go with a variety of dishes, and gave him a price range of $40-60. he came out with the bottle pictured below and it was delicious. i could not get over this wine. it was delicious and so smooth it was almost velvety. i took a four session wine tasting class back in december and i have not had a really good bottle of wine since then. let me tell you, that class was worth every penny because i so appreciated this wine.

wine

plates were cleared, we drank and chatted, and more plates arrived. the main course. it was so fun because the plates were brought, and then a bunch of people came up with little dishes of sauces and poured them on the dishes. here's what we ordered:

• liz: elk with chocolate demi, apple barley root vegetables, mustard lentil flan, fall chutney
  
• LF: rack of lamb, shallot red wine sauce, dauphinois, bleu cheese flan, braised turnips, lentil mushroom ragout
  
• the husband: skatefish wing with light vinegar sauce, creamy spinach and celery root, horseradish potatoes, trumpet royal
  
• avani: sea scallops, anise lobster cream sauce, napa cabbage with pumpkin couscous, and piopini mushrooms
  

again i took a tip from my food twin graham and asked to order the elk off the five course. william and the chef were totally accommodating. the elk was also totally accommodating. i ordered it medium rare and it was juicy and flavorful. it tasted like a really well marbled grass fed steak, but with a slightly milder flavor. the fall chutney turned out to be a thick jamlike cherry concoction which was perfect with the elk and the slight hint of bitter chocolate. the mustard flan was creamy and thick and the bits of lentil were toothsome. the flavors together were more than the sum of their parts and the textures were so interesting and fun. it was delicious.

elk

i tasted all of the other dishes but again, i was so obsessed with what i was eating that i did not pay them too much attention. LF's lamb was wonderful. the skatefish and the scallops were both a little too salty, but cooked perfectly. and there is very little in this world as satisfying as a big fat perfectly pan seared scallop. crunchy and slightly caramelized on the outside, smooth and cool on the inside. mmmmm.

scallops

we finished our wine and wanted more. we asked for the sommelier, and when he arrived we learned that the restaurant was out of the wine we had just had (i guess that is the risk you take going two days before they close forever), so we asked for another recommendation. "oh, i have the perfect burgundy," he said. "how much is it," i asked. not tactful, i know, but i'm on a budget. the sommelier didn't blink. in fact, he smiled and winked. "i can give it to you for $8 a glass." now that is my kind of price.

lamb

the wine came and it was an absolute delight. i mean it was just amazing. the first wine had been so smooth and complex. the burgundy was like an adventure. i know this sounds cheesy, and maybe i had just had too much to drink at this point already, but it was fascinating. when the wine came, it smelled slightly dank and cinnamony. LF took a sip of my wine and handed it back. i smelled again and it was completely different. i smelled vanilla and cloves and spice. i took a sip. i smelled it again. much more spicy now. i became obsessed with tasting things and then sipping and then smelling and each time it smelled different. i was transfixed by my wine.

LF and avani laughed at me, until avani started sipping and smelling. "oh my god, liz is right! it keeps changing!" she exclaimed. i waved down the sommelier again and told him what was going on. he laughed and explained that this is what "old world wine" does: it changes as the air mixes with it. apparently wines made in europe are this way and this is normal. it was amazing and wonderful and unlike any wine experience i had ever had.

miraculously the desserts appeared on the table. we ordered as follows:

• liz: assortment of domestic and imported cheeses
  
• LF: warm bittersweet chocolate tart with pumpkin ice cream and bourbon caramel sauce
  
• the husband: milk chocolate and macadamia truffle tart with macadamia whipped cream
  
• avani: oatmeal-dark chocolate torte with christian moerlein barbarossa ice cream
  

i am not really a sweets person so i knew the cheese plate was for me. was i ever right. oh my god. never have i had such a spread of amazing cheeses before me. each one was more delicous than the last. there was a sheep's milk, a blue, a cheddarlike cow's milk cheese, a melty buttery something or other on a spoon, and a goat cheese that was almost like cheesecake. and on the sides and bottom were little fruit compotes and sauces to go with them. i tasted every combination possible and they were all so different and so good.

cheese

five cheeses and three fruit sauces. add that into my wine sniffing and tasting and i kept myself busy. i have no idea what was going on at the rest of the table. by the time i looked up, the others were almost finished. i had a tiny bite of something chocolatey and it was good. but i could give up chocolate for the rest of my life and probably not even know the difference. without cheese... i don't think i could survive.

we sipped on our wine and chatted and chatted. william brought us some cookies and chocolates to snack on. our meal had started at 7 and by about 10 we were really tired. we finally asked for the check and it was the icing on the cake: the wine bottle did not appear on the bill. instead, we had been charged for four glasses of wine (we had only ordered three).

pigall's isn't the kind of place that is going to fuck up your bill. clearly this was a gift. i am guessing they were probably not going to be able to do anything with the wine in two days, so why not just let us have it since we had enjoyed it so much? as we marveled over this, one more gift arrived: little grapefruit almond pound cakes wrapped up in cellophane and tied with a bow.

it was a meal which surpassed all but one in my life. the food was wonderful. the service was extremely professional but also friendly. the atmosphere was soothing. the wine was delicious.

but aside from all the sensory delights, i think the people are what made this meal really special. i went with good friends who were fun and hilarious and loved the meal as much as i did. william was funny and accommodating. the sommelier was gracious. and on top of that, we saw a few people we knew at the restaurant. chrissy and erin from cincinnati imports, one of avani's coworkers, LF's friend from her cooking club. we all got up and chatted with people throughout the meal and everyone was in a really good mood.

it's like we all knew it was going to be our last (and for many of us, only) time at pigall's so we all just decided to enjoy ourselves to the fullest. we were sharing an experience that we would never have again. but what a perfect experience to have, even if it was just once.

gordo's

sorry, i know i keep putting off writing about my (excellent) meal at pigall's last week, but even though pigall's is next in the queue to be blogged about, i have to get gordo's off my chest. i am so crabby about my meal there last night that i can't write anything good until i get this out of my system.

my first issue is that gordo's is hard to find, especially at night. i was riding with avani and we could not find it. we pulled over and got out the iphone. it turns out we were directly across the street from it and could not see it. we went inside and waited for lauren, who was 15 minutes late because she was driving up and down montgomery and could not see it. the cook told us there is some sort of norwood ordinance which does not allow for a protruding sign, but come on, what about some better lighting or something? it's in the middle of nowhere on this dark deserted street with just a couple dim lights.

good luck finding this place in the dark

on my second problem with gordo's, which is that the food kind of sucks. and that, readers, is a major problem. i kept hearing before i went about how the burgers are "almost as good as terry's." ok. they are not. i don't know if it was an off night or something but i prefer so many other burgers in this city to this. terry's (obviously), zip's, arthur's, cityview, oakley pub, courtyard, habit's, fatburger, my own, etc.

avani and i ordered the jean-robert burger (burger is mixed with bacon, onion compote, blue cheese, and mixed herbs, then topped with grape compote and goat cheese) and the gordo's burger (burger is topped with roasted poblanos, mushrooms, onions, smoked bacon, and boursin cheese) and split them.

the menu describes these as "half pound burgers." my ass. i know how big half pound burgers are because i make them. these were maybe 1/3 pound burgers. even worse, we ordered our burgers medium and got them straight up well done. not a hint of pink to be seen. they were dry as a bone.

the jean-robert burger

inquiring reader asks, "why didn't you just send them back?" well yes, inquiring reader, i could have done this. but the thing is i really hate wasting food. unless there is truly something wrong with my food, i just suck it up and eat it. the thought of throwing away the burgers and starting over again just because they are overdone makes me sick. plus, we were starving at this point and would not have wanted to wait.

so right now we are starting off with a disappointingly small, overcooked, dry burger. onto the toppings. re: the jean-robert burger, grape compote = chunky grape jelly. i don't like grape jelly. i could not taste any blue cheese. i tasted grape jelly, goat cheese, dry ground beef, and a hint of bacon. weird, strong flavors that did not go well together. bleah. especially after my meal at pigall's last week, i do not understand how this burger could possibly have even a remote connection to jean-robert.

the gordo's burger

re: the gordo's burger, there were a few bitty slivers of poblano, a big hunk of boursin, and maybe an onion or two. i think there were maybe five slices of mushroom (which was fine since i hate mushrooms). there was one half strip of dry, overcooked bacon. this one was just bland. and overall on both burgers, the toppings were sparse other than the big globs of cheese.

terry's, have you ruined me for other burgers forever?

i eventually got some dijon mustard and put that on the burgers and that actually improved things quite a bit. but by that point i had eaten 3/4 of my meal and could not longer really be pleased, especially since the only way i found to improve this burger was by drowning it in mustard.

the fish sandwich

the fries. big long hunks of slightly undercooked potato. no flavor. the pickle = sweet pickle. nasty.

however. it was not all bad. our bartender/server and the cook we chatted with were super nice and extremely knowledgeable about beer. gordo's has a long and excellent beer list for those of you who are into that sort of thing. i tried a stone levitation ale on the bartender's recommendation and it was one of the best beers i have tried recently. sooo delicious, i loved it. avani and lauren both got the hook and ladder lighter, also on the bartender's recommendation, and were equally pleased.

lauren got the fish sandwich and really enjoyed it. i didn't taste it but it was big, thick, and looked juicy on the inside and crispy on the outside.

avani shows us the one reason to go to gordo's

the atmosphere is ok. it's clearly newly redone with nice woods and dark colors, but it's kind of bland and corporate-ish feeling, even though it's not corporate. it doesn't have much character and there is way too much empty space. and the bathroom is weird... your knees hit against the freezing cold wall while you are sittting on the toilet. too much information?

i am kind of annoyed because i still have a spend-$35-get-$25-off restaurant.com gift certificate to this place, and i really don't feel like going back. i mean i would probably go back for the beer and the friendly staff, but for the food no. and that is what the gift certificate is for. anyway do i really feel like going all the way out to the middle of norwood for a beer? not really. and you can't use the gift certificate on alcohol.

does anyone want the gift certificate? i think it is $10 for it on the website so it can be yours as a thank you gift for a $5 gift to me (in cash or deposited into my paypal account). let me know if you are interested and i'll hook you up.

sorry gordo's. maybe you were just having an off night, but i'm on a budget. i just can't deal with risking another one of my precious dinners out on dry burgers, boring fries, and nasty sweet pickles.

cincinnati pizza quest 2009 (february): adriatico's

after hearing great reviews of adriatico's from like half the people we knew, liberal foodie and i decided that the second stop on our pizza quest had to be there. adriatico's is carry out or delivery only, so i stopped by to pick up the pizza on the way to LF's house one sunday evening.

when i got to the restaurant, i explained that i was new to their pizza and i needed some help deciding what to get. they were really friendly but almost everyone who worked there claimed that they were so sick of the pizza from working there that they couldn't advise me on what to order. one guy said he liked the thick crust but that it was all good. so i didn't really know what to do. i called LF and we decided to do 2 mediums: one thin crust with just cheese, and one thick crust with pepperoni.

adriatico's, you have been hit by the cincinnati pizza quest

LF's husband really wanted us to get "the bearcat," but when i asked what that was, everyone was like "it's this big!" and held their arms out as wide as they could go. i did not think that we needed the bearcat for just the three of us so we didn't get it.

i got our pizza's and drove to LF's house. now here is the thing. she lives kind of out in suburbia. and i got lost trying to find 75 from the restaurant. so it was probably a good half hour between the time the pizza came out of the oven until the time it got to LF's house. so i am thinking that may have affected the pizza quality. on the other hand, a delivery could take just as much time, especially if there was more than one pizza stop on the delivery guy's list.

anyway, by the time i got there and we snapped a few photos and bit in, we were like "well this pizza is... ok." we did not think it was great. we did not think it was the best pizza in cincinnati. the flavor of the crust was good, but especially with the thick crust there was too much of it. i like a thick crust, but only if it is really dense and more crusty than doughy. this crust was puffy and there was not enough sauce or cheese to balance out the mouthful of just... bread.

thin crust with cheese

the sauce was good. it was spicy and rich and slightly sweet. i liked the cheese but LF thought it was kind of bland. also, it was not really melty anymore since it had been out of the oven for so long. the pepperoni was good but nothing special. i didn't really like the bigger than average size of the slices, but then again i just am really not a toppings person.

the husband really thought we should have gotten the bearcat (which is described on the menu as being huge and having a bunch of toppings) because he says it is their specialty and it is why people eat at adriatico's. however, based on the orders they were making in the restaurant, it seemed that most people were ordering large pies with just cheese or one topping. and anyway, i really do not like a ton of toppings on my pizza. plain cheese is my favorite.

the husband's position is that if we are going to be doing a pizza quest and writing about it on our blogs, then we should be trying whatever is the specialty at a given pizza place. and he claims that the bearcat is adriatico's specialty. therefore, since we didn't try the specialty, we can't really comment in a knowledgeable way about the place.

thick crust with pepperoni

i disagree with him. frankly, it's fun to share my pizza experiences with you guys and this blog is about informing people about cincinnati restaurants, but at the end of the day i'm doing this for me. i'm going to order the kind of pizza i want and if it's not the specialty, too damn bad. i'm not spending my money eating pizza i don't really want regardless of what people want to read about.

so readers, what do you say? have any of you had the bearcat? is that what is really good at adriatico's? did we miss out by not ordering it? you are also free to comment on what kind of pizza you want to read about, but i'm probably not going to be basing my ordering decisions on that (unless you want to fund my eating... hint hint... haha).

the official cincinnati pizza quest ratings (on a scale of 1 to 5 slices, 5 slices being the best):

crust: overall - 3.5 slices (thin crust - 4, thick crust - 3)
sauce - 4 slices

cheese - 3 slices

pepperoni - 3.5 slices

overall - 3 slices

i liked adriatico's pizza and i would eat it again if i was in the neighborhood. however, i'm not going to travel for it. it's a good local choice if you live in clifton, but otherwise i don't really think it's worth going there for, especially since they don't have anywhere to sit. but who knows, maybe the bearcat is worth the trip...